Healing is HARD.

Did y’all know that healing from surgery was hard. I mean HARD hard. Literally I got the hiccups while starting this sentence and almost DIED! This type of confusion and pain is not definitely not from the Lord.

The majority of you are saying DUH COURTNEY ITS SURGERY but believe me when I say that there are those of us out in the world who truly don’t understand.

In my thirty seven years of living I have been sick maaaaybe 6 times and none of them have been major. I had my tonsils taken out when I first moved to Texas cause.. Texas tried to take me out and after a ride home I took care of myself. Thats what I do. I take care of me because healing is easy.

After my June 3rd surgery my friend Larry literally had to help me out a bed. You know how many years I been getting myself out of bed alone, A LOT. And here a week later I still struggle a bit. I have been stuck upstairs in my house because coming back up them is NOT an option and this is where the shower is located. Those stairs are the current bane of my existence. Giggling is a struggle and I have been holding this fart so long for fear of the pain from sucking in that I could explode soon.

“Eh, I will be fine. Just give me a day to sleep it off. I heal easy.”

-Unknowing Courtney

I have doctors and nurses at my beck and call (y’all pray for them! lol!) An entire insurance company that makes sure that people are taking care of me and have personally assigned nurses from multiple areas checking in and making sure of it. I was only able to have my surgery at a “Center Of Excellence” that my surgeon had to be in partnership with. I have a team that is tried and true and made sure that everything would work in my favor. I have the privilege of healing from a physical ailment. One that I chose for myself, but what if what we are healing from is not something that we chose for ourselves and didn’t come with an entire team of experts.

The incisions of a knife have affected many of us involuntarily. It affects our hearts and blocks the ability to love. It damages our minds and prevents us from being able to trust. It stabs at our outer exterior causing fear and doubt. This is not an exhaustive list this is simply what I have lived through. These same insurance carriers grant me access to a separate list of professionals that talk me off cliffs and give me better perspective, but what about those of us that do not have these options.

This certainly isn’t my area of expertise but I do have years on a couch with very qualified professionals that give me a bit of insight into these things. Allow me to share a few things that I have found useful:

There is nothing wrong with you because you have hurt. Hurt is a part of life. We all experience it. From childhood exposure to adult experiences it happens. You are not exempt from hurt, harm and danger whether physical, mental or spiritually. Assuredly, you are NOT alone.

Hurt needs to be expressed. It is not the pain from the hurt that causes issues, it’s burying them inside that affects us negatively. It seeps out into our relationships and other areas of our lives. Find a safe space to empty trash thoughts. If you don’t have the option of therapy choose a trusted friend, ride a bus and tell a stranger THEY DON’T KNOW YOU and will probably never see you again. Write it and throw it away. Just get it out.

They need to be accepted.  Anytime I experience a failure the same friend that helped me out a bed asks “What did you learn?” In full circle he is lifting me out of my feelings the way he lifted me from that bed. I resist it as it forces me to accept what just happened and work PAST it. Which is easy for me to do.. once I accept it.

 Make a choice. You choose how your experiences shape you. You have the opportunity to decide what to do from your hurt and pain. A friend of mine lost her baby and started an organization for mothers who have the same experience to deal. My best friend Herbert turned his back on me and I chose to lose esteem in my own self worth because of it. The direction is your choice. Be okay with it.

“It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds.’ I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.” 

― Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy

Like life, I fully plan to move away from this operation unscarred. The coco butter is waiting to be applied generously so that in the end nothing remains of this experience. The same can be done with all the wounds we receive. Let the oil flow and let’s heal together.

From the bottom of my heart,

Starring Courtney



One Reply to “Healing is HARD.”

  1.  Make a choice. You choose how your experiences shape you. You have the opportunity to decide what to do from your hurt and pain


    Liked by 1 person

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