I’ve Opened Myself To Serial Killers… a series (ep. 12)

My sister in law (Feel free to read with a strong Jamaican accent)

Her: Who is this guy you’re going to Cancun with?

Me: A friend I met online.

Her: Have you met him before?

Me: Once while driving back from Kansas I posted it online and he asked me to stop by a gas station on my drive down, so I did…

Her: DO YOU WANT TO GET MURRRRTERRRD! (the T is intentional lol!)

I mean… (Kanye Shrug)

This has been quite an adventure. When I first started this journey I was only going to give it a month and then I was OUT! I’ve since stayed because it is so interesting! I have learned so much about myself through these interactions.

Lately the most true realization is that as much as I WANT to start a new chapter in my life and take care of this amazing man as his wife and create a beautiful child or two for him and raise them together…. I don’t know if it’s true

Ugh! It’s so complicated! Cause I want it but it all seems so gross! Maybe with my options and I’m so good at being single my brain is struggling to SWITCH!!

Let’s talk about some swiping action!

First there’s Irving guy. He doesn’t even live in Irving. He lives in North Richland Hills but he looks like a guy I knew in Irving so I keep forgetting that he lives in Richland hills.

The first thing I said to him as we matched was “do we know each other? You look so familiar.” He responded that this is the third time that I had matched him… oh yikes.

Well why did I unmatch with you the first two times I asked. His response was that he was unsure. The conversation was amazing and then I just disappeared. WHO ME? nah I can’t be that heartless can I???

He had such a great disposition about himself. He told me that when he saw me match him back he was wondering if I was coming back for a “3 peat” and unmatch with him a third time! He then added that he told himself “Don’t act like you don’t wanna go for the okie doke again!” and eagerly messaged me! Lol!

A new conversation started and I just could not figure out WHY I would unmatch someone so dope until 2 weeks passed and I realized… we were still messaging via Facebook dating.

I am not looking for a pen pal so I immediately went to the unmatch button and laughed at myself. THIS IS WHAT MUST HAVE HAPPENED THE PREVIOUS TIMES!! I stopped myself from disappearing into the abyss and instead messaged him






And he did. But got boring! Like in the app he had so much personality but in real life he was bland as canes chicken strips without sauce. And after a few weeks and me dropping hints he had yet to invite me to see him face to face so… I just disappeared..

Call me Casper cause I will ghost!! WHO AM I?? When this first started I was concerned with sparing feelings.

There was also DC. His profile said 42. He was actually 46 and his lighter skin showed every year of age. He is actually from DC and was in town for work. We met for lunch and it was a great interaction. I laughed till I cried a little bit. Kinda like the laugh you get when you’re hanging with your uncle.

And Michael.. Michael and I had an intro question. What is something that you recently did for the first time ever. He told me that he tried the incredible veggie burger from Burger King. I told him being admitted to the hospital and getting my gallbladder removed (double word score!) He said my answer was so much better than his, bowed his head, and walked away… forever.

I did not follow Michael in this imaginary path of self pity over a getting to know you game.

I had more travel responses from men who had never been anywhere. They were unable to answer questions about the places they’d been like “what language do they speak?” And falling off. It became a game actually.

OMG and D. Y’all D was dope. A boxer. Business owner and family man. I am sure that everything D said was a lie but he was absolute fun while it lasted.

Please do not let me forget the Truck Driver! He is handsoooome!! (Don’t get excited folks) and y’all know it’s hard for me to find a man handsome but this man was IT! in a dangerous RUN GIRL RUN kind of way!

As he boarded the plane he looked hard at me the way some Dallas men do. There was a middle seat available in my row but the plane had space. I quietly prayed please Jesus don’t let this man sit here.

I believe he read my face so he sat in the aisle seat across from my row and creepily stared at me during my conversation with a friend in the aisle seat. To ease the awkwardness I stopped and addressed him politely. Hi! Do we know each other? he introduced himself. His full name, first middle and last. He was a truck driver. Has his own business but is selling it to work for someone else while he continues to build with less pressure. Was heading to Denver for training.

He later passed me his boarding pass with his phone number scribbled on back and stared me down until I pressed it into my phone. It was mid air so I knew he would not get the message. I could see it was an android and only iMessage is free. I’ve learned that Dallas men don’t take it well when you say no and it’s easier just to block a number.

To my demise the text went through!! And once landed he responded and began “selling” himself and even sending a pic of him at what appears to be fuel city holding a stack of money to his ear lol!

All of these men met after the dissolution of the relationship growing between me and Mr Family guy.

Oh… is that what you came here for?

I could never fully buy into it. Mr Family guy came with everything I wanted. But it was microwaved. A beautiful Macy’s window that I was able to simply slide into.

Once I fell ill at the hospital Mr Family guy, though he checked on me multiple times via phone every day, never made it to see me personally.

He texted a day after I was released and said that he might be able to stop by and with the amount of drugs the hospital had me on that might jumped out of my phone and waved a finger of you don’t matter in my face.

Once off pain drugs for 48 hours I revisited it and decided soberly that it was time to part ways.

I understand that I go through life with a breeze so no one would ever know that I needed, wanted, desired or desperately needed help. But I had a need. The need wasn’t for a text. It was for a physical appearance and I got it. Honestly from the man I needed it from but NOT from my boyfriend and it showed me a type and shadow of the life of a woman who is NOT THE MAMA in baby dinosaur voice.

I’m sure that if we talked through it you’d be back to loving pics of us together but I don’t for-see it.

For now I’m swiping men with NO KIDS and living my life the way I know.. well!

I’m currently writing this from a dope Marriott in Cancun while my friend plays spades on his tablet. I don’t think this is a date. If so he is failing cause I am getting a full dose of myself.

Traveling alone with people lol!! Two worlds existing at the same time on different planes. He reads these so if so surely he will tell me.

And then I’ll tell y’all cause boy is this interesting!


Starring Courtny


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